Do your friends and neighbors shy away from you when they see your system?

Do you loose track of CDs, and, dare we say it, LPs, only to find them months later hidden underneath the pile of power cords, speaker cable, and interconnects that your system needs to work?

Does your system sound wonderful, better than Carnegie Hall, but give you headaches when you look at it for more than 5 minutes?

Then YOU may be a victom of *Unsightly* *Cable* *Mess*!

Do you look at photographs of all those awesome systems in the glossy magazines wondering why YOUR system doesn’t look like theirs?

Have you tried dealing with your stereo system’s mess by bending and shoving, using your foot to push the cables into place, holding them there for minutes, and longer, hoping they will just stay in place darnit?

Then you may be ready for Cable Chameleon(tm).

An example of the cable undergrowth threatening to encroach on the listening area and do bodily harm to friendly and not-so-friendly listeners alike.

Cable Chameleon

Cable Chameleon takes care of this problem for you for a fee of $200 / cable.

How this works:

Here we see an exaggerated example of just what can go wrong when a system has a bad cable day.

These cables were then sent to the Cable Chameleon Laboratories, a division of the U.S. Defense Dept., along with a full color photograph.

The Labs then use recent patented technological discoveries to apply special pigmented substances to the cables.

The cables are then allowed to dry in a hermetically sealed storage room, and then returned to the distressed customer.

Here is what the results are {small print: these results do not necessarily represent what your system will look like after purchasing Cable Chameleon. All cables must be restored to their original position. Improvments in appearance are guaranteed from only one perspective}

This system looks clean and presentable. Any audiophile would be proud to show this to their significant other’s parents. No longer will you have to throw a towel over your system when the in-laws visit.

System Chameleon

If you think this will not work for you, a subsiderary of Cable Chameleon, called System Chameleon, will take your photograph, photoshop out the cables [a lot better than I did] and then print a poster that contains a life-sized image of your system, without any unsightly cable mess. The poster is then installed between you and the system so that your system looks wonderfully cable-free. NOTE: posters are 85% transparent to all frequencies and can be put in front of the speakers with only a slight performance degradation.

For an additional fee, you can ‘rent’ other people’s system posters…

Would you like to look at a $100K system? a $500K system? while you listen to your somewhat more reasonably priced system? Now you can!

As long as you keep your friends far away from your system – and which of us let our friends get close to our amps while they are drinking a brew? – they will never know that what they are hearing isn’t what they are seeing (especially if they still think Bose is the best speaker ever, or read a lot of posts on high-end audio forums 🙂 )

Speaker Chameleon

Now you too can own a Wilson Alexandria X2, a Marten Design Coltrane Supreme, and Audio Note Sogon… and for the low, microscopic price of $599.99.

For this measily pittance you get two life-size cutouts of the speakers of your choice. Yes, your cable mess remains, but it will be a higher quality of mess and a headache with improved micro-dynamics, imaging, and slam. Just slide one of these 3D likenesses of any one of several of the most sought after speakers over the top of your speaker and BAMM you’ve just performed a massive visual system upgrade.

And, because so much of our brains works off the visual cortex, this upgrade will also improve the sound of what you hear – unbelieveable but true!

[Speaking of which, Cable Chameleon and System Chameleon corporations are headquarted on Triskelian and can only be reached by yours and my imaginations].

What can this mean?

A. Have Mike and Neli decided to take a lesson from Ray Kimber’s IsoMike rooms and make our amps M-o-b-i-l-e?

B. Does it really require geting the right channel amp so drunk it almost falls off its stand?

C. Are Neli and Mike practicing for their turn at the Olymipic tryouts for the brand new sport: Amp Racing?

D. Are they just using the dollies so that they can more easily reposition the amps in order to optimize the system’s soundstage? (We *do* have to do this with the tall Edge Reference ‘pyramid’ amps – they are so large thier position affects the soundstaging dramatically – but we don’t use wheels but instead really on the grunt and shove technique).

E. Or, after staring at the amps for 15 minutes wondering if I REALLY had to move them a couple of days ago did Neli finally just put them on wheels and move them herself?

Yeah, it is E. But I wish it were C.